A traditional Nigerian wedding has evolved from a modest gathering into an event resembling a blend of carnival and church revival.
Either by nature or the influence of time and other cultures, it’s fair to say Nigeria is a marriage-crazed society.
Here, everything related to the union of a man and woman holds greater significance than one might anticipate.
Undoubtedly, the most emphasized of these is the wedding ceremony, the ritual that unites two individuals into one entity.
In recent times, a typical Nigerian wedding has transformed from a relatively intimate affair into an event that resembles a cross between a carnival and a church revival.
In all fairness, most single persons defiantly insist they will have small weddings, nothing of the sort that we are becoming used to.
“People have different opinions about weddings,” says Adebusoye Kunle, CEO of KLALA Photography, a Lagos firm that documents weddings, “In a typical couple, the bride may want it large. Sometimes, the groom wants it small and it becomes an argument.”
But whatever you think you want is usually a story for the gods.
More than a year before revealing his engagement, Banky W made an intriguing post on Snapchat. In it, he expressed his belief that small weddings are preferable and stated his intention to avoid the elaborate spectacle of a “huge Lagos wedding.”
Footage also surfaced of Adesua Etomi, while still single, expressing her preference for a small wedding to a reporter. “It definitely won’t be a big wedding,” she stated, adding, “You guys won’t even see pictures.”
However, the actor and singer got married in November 2017, and contrary to their initial plans, their union became the talk of the town that weekend, complete with extensive photos and videos. Their wedding even had its own hashtag: #BAAB17.
So what changed their minds? Why did they, like many of us, ultimately opt for a grand celebration? What is it about the Nigerian spirit that revels in uniting in marriage with live bands and a hall filled to capacity?
Our parents deserve some credit for this shift in perspective. Remember when you mentioned having a small wedding to them, and they vehemently opposed the idea? Instead, they drafted plans to rent out a stadium and fly in numerous relatives from Europe.
To the older generation, a wedding ceremony holds deeper significance beyond simply uniting two individuals. It symbolizes success, marking a crucial milestone that signifies their children have grown into adults.
For them, it’s not about keeping it low-key with a small gathering of a few close people; it’s about celebrating proudly and making it an event to remember.
There’s also the factor of “family and friends.” Modern weddings serve a dual purpose as social gatherings where old connections are renewed and relatives have the opportunity to catch up with each other.
The larger the wedding, the greater the chance for family, friends, and acquaintances to connect, bond, and strengthen relationships.
However, space can become a concern if the couple opts for a small, intimate wedding inspired by photos of celebrities like Jay-Z and Beyonce.
“The wedding isn’t just about the bride and groom,” Adebusoye explains. “It’s also a chance for families from around the world to come together, so often the couple can’t make the decision alone, especially if the parents are financing the event.”
The influence of parents in weddings tends to be particularly strong for the bride’s parents, driven by deep-seated cultural and societal sentiments.
Marriage, as one of humanity’s oldest and most enduring institutions, carries significant weight. From a young age, women are often raised with an emphasis on becoming good wives and mothers, sometimes at the expense of other pursuits. It’s natural, then, that when the time comes for them to enter marriage, great importance is placed on both the act itself and the ceremony surrounding it. This cultural expectation has also shaped many women’s views of marriage.
These sentiments were articulated in Chimamanda Adichie’s essay “We Should All Be Feminists,” derived from her TEDx talk of the same name. In it, she wrote, “…Because I’m female, I’m expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important…”
When a woman who has internalized these societal expectations finally achieves what she has been encouraged to aspire to, it’s understandable that she desires it to be celebrated on a grand scale.
It’s all about aspiration in our society. We tend to aspire for grandeur, even if we don’t initially have the means to afford it. The idea of a lavish wedding, complete with media coverage, exquisite traditional outfits (aso ebi and agbadas), delectable catering, and possibly a personalized hashtag, is portrayed as the ultimate ideal—every girl’s dream.
When a bride achieves this dream and shares the photos across social media, it sets a standard that others feel compelled to match or surpass. Thus, a cycle of escalating expectations begins.
This pressure doesn’t go unnoticed. With the amplification of weddings through social media, entire industries have emerged in Nigeria. There are now specialized makeup artists, catering companies, interior decorators for hall beautification, wedding photographers capturing every moment, and designers crafting bespoke dresses and agbadas. The list goes on.
Certainly, the influence of those involved in the wedding industry cannot be overlooked in promoting the idea of a grand wedding as the ideal.
“Wedding planners often favor big weddings because they are more lucrative,” explains Demilade, a wedding planner based in Lagos. “Successfully organizing large weddings not only brings more profit but also leads to valuable connections. That’s crucial because everyone hopes for bigger and better opportunities.”
In essence, the wedding industry thrives on promoting and facilitating grand celebrations, which in turn perpetuates the cultural aspiration for elaborate weddings among couples and their families.
When it’s all said and done, there is a possibility that when the wedding bells toll, the desire for a good celebration trumps our personal preferences.
Everyone enjoys a great party, and few events rival the festivity of a wedding ceremony. The focus is on new beginnings, delicious food, flowing drinks, and a joyful atmosphere—it’s hard to beat that.
However, amidst all the celebrations, it’s crucial not to lose sight of the most important people: the bride and groom. Unfortunately, this can sometimes happen.
“We’ve witnessed situations where couples didn’t get to enjoy their own wedding day,” Adebusoye notes. “Parents overshadowed the event with their demands, and the entertainment seemed more for them than for the couple. Even the DJ struggled to create the right vibe.”
While large weddings can be joyful occasions, they shouldn’t overshadow the couple’s privacy, financial stability, or the foundation of their relationship.
Beyond a cultural trend, the phenomenon of big weddings has become a significant cultural export. Clips of Nigerian weddings, with their lively dancing, frequently go viral. The concept of a lavish Lagos wedding also inspired one of the biggest movies of 2016, “The Wedding Party.”
So, perhaps our fascination with grand weddings has its merits. Nigerians have transformed brides and grooms into creators of captivating content. What was once a routine four-hour ceremony has evolved into a thriving indigenous industry worth billions of naira annually.
While executing such events may pose challenges, the significant cultural and economic impact they generate makes it understandable why many are willing to save up to uphold this evolving tradition.
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Note: This article was originally published in 2018.
